hide Memorial Day A Yoshiki Fic
by Satchi Claus
Summary: How does Yoshiki handle the anniversay of his former bandmate's death. As hide Memorial Day rolls around once again, Yoshiki gets back into the depression that almost made him fall to pieces when hide died. IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE AT BEGINNING!


_**Note:** THIS IS NOT "IN MEMORY OF hide"!!!!!! I JUST wrote this as a hide Memorial Day fic. In no way is this me remembering him!!!! I write angst because its what I do best!!! So please, be wise with your reviews. If you wish to criticize, CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM ONLY! Thank you! I don't appreciate anything that just plain bashes my writing._

**May 1, 2010** **11:57 p.m.**

Yoshiki sat at the counter, eyes fixed on the clock. A stubborn weariness crept over him as it neared _that day_ again. Yoshiki scrubbed a hand over his face as the bartender handed him a glass of beer. Glancing at it, Yoshiki shoved it away. Beer sloshed onto the counter and the bartender instantly grabbed a rag and wiped it up while giving Yoshiki a confused look.

"I'm only having _one drink_, a Pink Spider. However, I can't have it for another three minutes." Yoshiki muttered a miserable sounding explanation.

The bartender glanced at the clock and realization dawned on him. He gathered up the required ingredients, which consisted of Bacardi 151, Beefeater gin, Cranberry juice, and a cherry. Three minutes later the drink was ready and Yoshiki lifted the glass.

"May you be happy in the next world, my Ever Free Pink Spider…" He toasted softly before taking a sip of the fruity drink.

**May 2 4:03 a.m.**

"hide!"

Yoshiki barged into the apartment. His heart hammered with grief and felt as if it was shattering. Clutching his chest, Yoshiki raced for the bathroom. He jiggled the handle and pushed in an attempt to open it. However, it wouldn't budge. Something was blocking it. _No, not some_thing. _Some_one. _Its hide…_ His mind whispered weakly. Indeed, he got the door to open a crack and someone _was_ sitting on the other side.

"hide! Open the door! Hide, _please_!" Yoshiki cried out, tears filling his eyes as he begged his friend to let him in.

Somehow, Yoshiki managed to get through where he saw his _beautiful_ hide, strung up like some _puppet_ to the door. Yoshiki's heart disintegrated as he fell to his knees, clutching the barely breathing man in his arms…

…Yoshiki bolted up in his bed, gasping and sweating from the nightmare. He should have been used to it at this point, seeing as it happened _every_ year near or on this date. Yoshiki swept his hair out of his face and sighed heavily.

**May 2 8:52 a.m.**

Yoshiki sat in front of the monument- the empty grave- that belonged to hide. His remains, in all actuality, had been burned and scattered in the Santa Monica Bay. Yoshiki sat with a bottle of what had been hide's favored alcohol. Opening it, he leaned against the monument and took a big drink.

"I, uh…had that _dream_ again. Even after _12 years_, it felt so…so _real_. I wish I really _had_ been there. Then…maybe…_you'd_ still be _here_… I mean, I know you're still…_with_ us…watching over us. I wish…you could have held on longer. X Japan is back together. We have been for a few years. I'm sure that makes you proud…makes you _happy_. I only wish you could _be here_ to enjoy it with us. Here, have a drink."

Yoshiki poured half the bottle over the ground. After this, he sat and watched the ground soak it up for just a few minutes before drinking the rest of it himself. With a heavy sigh, he took a few minutes to reminisce about the old days before hide had left them. Finally, he said his good bye and headed for his car.

**May 2 8:52 p.m.**

Yoshiki found himself lying in a hospital bed. He was hooked up several machines and felt like he'd been hit by a train. Though he could hear the soft murmur of familiar voices around him, the room was empty save one person. Yoshiki's eyes widened at the familiar mop of pink hair. He felt tears slide down his cheeks and a lump formed in his throat. It was…impossible. hide sat perched on the edge of the bed, facing Yoshiki with his arms crossed. His dark cat-like eyes were filled smoldering fury.

"Yoshiki, you're being _stupid_." hide called out bitterly.

"You…you're not here…" Yoshiki mumbled drowsily.

"_Why_ were you drinking? Do you think I _want_ to see you do what _I did_?" The pink-headed one snapped.

"I wouldn't-"

"_You tried_…" hide's voice grew soft and pained.

Yoshiki stared at the ethereal man in shock. He suddenly understood _why_ he was being visited by his long-dead friend. He _himself_ was on the verge of death. In what he would consider the background, Yoshiki could make out a doctor's murmurs and his friends' soft sobs. He _was_ in the hospital…but on a different level of existence. One that seemed to be fading _fast._ hide moved closer, placing a cool hand on Yoshiki's cheek. Yoshiki closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, never wanting it to fade away. For twelve years, he had wanted to feel hide's touch, hear his voice. And now, he was finally getting what he wanted.

"You were _always_ so good to me, Yoshiki. I didn't mean to make you hurt like this…Yoshiki, You _need_ to survive. They can't _bear_ to lose you. _Especially _not like this…"

"No…hide _please_…I don't want you to leave again…" Yoshiki pleaded.

"You aren't _meant_ to leave them right now, Yoshiki. It's not an option." hide said sternly, pulling away from him.

"Well…what happened? I…I can't remember _a thing_ after leaving your gr…your monument."

"For _one_, you chose a _very_ strong and potent drink. _You_ never drink like that…So, by the time you left, you were drunk. _How_ you managed to drive in _that_ intoxicated state is _beyond me_. Yes, I _have_ been watching over you…because I was _worried_. I _knew_ it come to this, Yoshiki…I _knew_ you'd have a hard time going on. I just didn't know _when _you would break." He paused, stroking the other man's cheek. "When you got home, you just…_sat_ on the couch, staring off into nowhere for nearly _an hour_. After that, you called Pata. When he answered, you were silent for about two minutes before you broke down crying and asking why. Pata told you he'd be _right_ over. He…he knew you weren't okay. Especially when you hung up without a good bye. Once Pata arrived…" hide turned away, but not before Yoshiki caught the genuinely hurt expression on his face.

Yoshiki heard someone's voice speaking directly to him. No, they weren't speaking; they were almost _screaming. _He knew the voice immediately: it belonged to Pata. He could _feel_ Pata gripping his arms a little _too_ hard as he shouted. He could only make out _one_ word: why? Pain filled him at the hurt in Pata's voice. He could feel himself being pulled back toward the living world. Yoshiki reached out, grasping hide's hand, not quite ready to leave.

"Please…_tell me_ what I did…" He whispered to hide, tears in his eyes.

"I…Yoshiki, please don't make me do this. I can't-"

"I'm _begging _you…"

"You…you tried to copy me…only you went after yourself with a knife as well. There are _several_ stab wounds along your abdomen. If it _hadn't_ been for that, you would have _successfully_ hung yourself. And, thank _Kami_ for Pata, he sped to your place and saved you. Although he doesn't know you'll survive yet."

Yoshiki looked both upset and relieved. So…he _wasn't_ going to die. hide caught this look and chuckled softly. He sat on the edge of Yoshiki's bed again and smiled, resting his hand over Yoshiki's. He _wanted_ to give his hand a reassuring squeeze, but they'd already made _enough _contact and Yoshiki _already_ didn't want to go back to living. It was _better_ this way.

"You're _going_ to live and if I have to meet you _again_ before your time like this, I'll kick your ass. I can watch you if you're _alive_. I can't guarantee I'll see you again if you die." hide explained as he and the room dissolved into total blackness.

**May 3 1:09 a.m.**

Yoshiki opened his eyes to be faced with a familiar hospital ceiling. Panic surged through him at the thought that he might be stuck in the empty not-quite-dead-or-alive realm in which hide had visited him. He shifted on his bed so he could sit up…and let out a cry of pain as his abdomen seared, feeling like a hot blade was slicing through it. Someone all but leapt up from a chair in the corner and rushed to Yoshiki's side.

"Pata?" Yoshiki managed in a raspy whisper.

"Oh thank _Kami_!" Pata said hoarsely, taking Yoshiki's face in his hands and placing a kiss of sheer gratitude on his forehead. "You've been unconscious and on the verge of slipping into a coma…Your family, along with Sugizo and Heath, are in the waiting area."

"What about-"

"Like I was going to wait out there while one of the _best_ friends I've had lay dying." Toshi replied, appearing on Yoshiki's other side.

Pata and Toshi discussed who would go inform the others. After much discussion, Toshi left the room with happy, relieved tears in his eyes. Pata, _too, _was crying tears of respite. Toshi entered the waiting area and couldn't help the sob that escaped him. The others slowly stood up, some supporting each other in fear of Toshi's news. Toshi covered his mouth as a small laugh slipped up amongst his soft sobs. Sugizo approached him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"What happened, Toshi? Is he…have we lost him?" He asked, voice thick with the effort of fighting tears.

"No, he-he's awake. He's gonna be-He's gonna make it." Toshi nearly shouted, and similar tears filled the eyes of those with him as they headed for the room.

"What the hell were you _thinking_?" Pata asked softly, sounding more concerned than angry.

"I…I'm sorry. I don't know. I…_guess_ I was drunk. At least that's what I was told. I can't even remember-"

"_Told_? Yoshiki, how could someone _tell_-"

"hide told me. While you were in hysterics, I was with hide." Yoshiki explained calmly.

Pata paled and stiffened, realizing _just_ how close they'd come to losing another beloved friend and member of X Japan. His body trembled with fear at almost losing Yoshiki. Yoshiki offered a weak smile that made Pata relax. As the others filed into the room, Pata scrubbed away his tears and sighed. He grasped Yoshiki's hand softly, Toshi doing the same to the other hand as Sugizo, Heath, and Yoshiki's remaining family surrounded his bed.

"Don't you _ever_ try to leave us again." Pata commanded,

" I promise you, I won't. Besides, hide said he'd kick my ass if I tried again." Yoshiki said with another playful smile.

"Good thing _he's_ watching you then…"


End file.
